Love is on my mind. Fear too. I had a recent moment in my relationship where fear was the main feeling and I was sure that it was going to trump love. I was spinning in circles, unable to find a way out other than to stuff it so the burden was mine alone or leave the relationship. Thankfully I could hear a faint voice in my head, perhaps that of my therapist, which reminded me that talking about it was probably the best way through. I broke through the fear to text him the phrase, "we need to talk" and immediately felt a sense of relief. My work was immediately different. It was wading through the accusations to the fears, the needs, the questions. I had to get past planning the conversation, outcome and all, and be ready to just show up and see what happened. It took time with another loved one to talk through it first, listening to hear what she heard, and a drive over to his house with loud music blaring to distract me from trying to plan a conversation word for word but I arrived simply present and ready. It was the only fair way to meet him. Also it was the only way I could truly get a solution to what the real need was.
Sitting across from someone, ready to state a feeling and listen openly was a powerful experience. I am transformed, truly amazed at how an open heart can lead to a whole new level of connection. It really is in working through a struggle that we find secure footing. I love the man that sat across from me, heard me, and in turn shared a hard truth with me. I am in love. Wildly, I can't remember the fear as a feeling. It was so real and then, poof, just gone. The human experience is a mysterious one.
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